The Mystery Train (1931)

Familiar storyline with bad acting, bad dialogue, bad writing, bad everything. Future gossip columnist Hedda Hopper leads a group of terrible actors.

Marion Radcliffe (Heda Hopper) is on a train with her lawyer friend William Mortimer. She says she’s been wiped out in the bond market. He says he has a client, Ronnie Stanhope, that inherited millions.. He also gets the Stanhope diamond worth a quarter million dollars. Family tradition says it goes to his wife. William asks Marion if she has a good looking daughter. Nope.

Coming on board is a sheriff and his prisoner Joan Lane. Train wreck! The sheriff is knocked out and Joan gets the handcuffs key and unlocks them. Outside a conductor is asking for names. Marion says Joan is her niece, Joan Radcliffe. She takes her home and gives her all kinds of goodies.

Joan goes riding and a car driven by Ronnie scares the horse and Joan falls in a mud puddle. She gets mad at him and he laughs and drives off. Ronnie tells William he’s met the girl for him. William’s not happy because he doesn’t know it’s Joan.

Marion holds a lawn fete and all the boys buzz around Joan. She ditches them and Ronnie drives up. Of course they end up attracted to each other making Marion and William very happy. One day Joan is looking out the window and sees the sheriff. She faints.

Marion answers the door and the sheriff shows her a newspaper with a picture of Joan taken at the lawn party. Is this the end? Nope. He tells Marion someone confessed and Joan is innocent. Marion tells William and they agree not to tell Joan.

Marion tells Joan she has to go to her estate in California. All four end up on a train. Ronnie proposes to Joan but she turns him down. That night he’s tricked out of his compartment and two thieves rob the diamond. It’s under his pillow.

One of the men climbs outside and unattaches the car from the train. Of course his hat doesn’t blow off. The car picks up speed. Ronnie dukes it out (without sound effects) with the two. The car continues to pick up speed. Oh no! There’s a train coming.

The ending is tacked on just to get it over with. Don’t waste your time with this garbage. It’s awful from start to finish.


About vintage45

I'm a big fan of vintage books,movies,TV shows and music. I encourage everyone to patronize your local used book/record store and pick up some of the good stuff. My posts are capsule reviews of some favorites that you may want to investigate. The albums posted aren't really reviews but items from my collection that are still available. I try and point out highlights of each one and let the music speak for itself. Thanks to all for checking out the blog.
This entry was posted in Comedy, Crime-Mystery-Spy, vintage movies and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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