If you like a heavy dose of cheeze with a side order of borscht then here it is. The Soviets have launched Sputnik. Are we doomed?
At the Pentagon General Watkins orders George White, the head of the European division of the Central Intelligence Group in West Berlin to get an agent into Moscow…NOW! George gets his old pal Johnny Manston to get himself over there. If he’s caught the agency will deny all knowledge of his actions. (Early “Mission:Impossible?”)
Johnny is flown into Russia. It’ll take about five weeks to walk to Moscow. When he gets there he’s supposed to contact Tanya. He goes to a cafe wearing the same suit he’s worn for five weeks. No one notices any odor. Her finds just what you’d expect in a Moscow cafe, a belly dancer. She’s followed by a Cossack fire eater. Earlier Tanya came by and gave him “the look.”
Having had his fill of entertainment he goes up to her room. She looks at the papers he was supposed to destroy and then sets them on fire. Bad news. It looks like a military clique is going to take over the government.
The U.S. is freaking out. Every missile is a failure. The pressure is on to get an ICBM. Time is running out.
Luckily Tanya is the mistress of the Minister of Defense. Johnny hides in the closet while the two do their thing. It’s just something agents do. Maybe he got all hot and bothered because he and Tanya fool around.
Uh-Oh. The military has taken over the Soviet government and the Marshall wants a missile fired at New York,. It’s all set on its launching pad in Leningrad. Tanya and the Minister go out there. Johnny hangs around until a British agent shows up with a note from Tanya. He also has some TNT.
Meanwhile, back in the States…General Watkins wife isn’t happy that he prefers to pay attention to the fate of the world instead of coming home in time for dinner.
Outside the Leningrad missile base the British agent is caught. He says he got lost. They’ll deal with him later. Johnny and Tanya continue on their merry way. Then….they’re spotted and the guards start shooting. Tanya’s hit. She tells Johnny she’s okay and like a true hero….he runs off. The mission comes first. He reaches the missile. He attaches the TNT. He runs to tell Tanya he’s successful. Hold on Johnny. A guard finds the package and runs off with it. I know this is a spoiler but I can’t help it. You probably figured it out anyway:
Johnny is gunned down. The missile is fired.
Now the movie shows why it’s so bad it’s good. This must be seen. After all, where else can you find out how to protect yourself in case of a nuclear attack? According to the movie all you have to do is cover yourself with wet newspapers.