The Astounding She-Monster (1957)

the astounding she-monster 1957

If you’ve ever wondered what’s below the bottom of the barrel, here it is. Every scene is stretched beyond the limit to take up an hour. It’s no surprise that the “acting” and “writing”  will have you searching Roget’s to try and find a term for something this bad. The movie starts with a narrator that doesn’t have a clue about how to read copy. That’s what happens when the budget is this low.

Nat, Brad and Esther the lush kidnap society dame Margaret Chaffee. They head for the San Gabriel Mountains. Geologist Dick Cutler (Robert Clarke) is walking his dog Egan near his mountain cabin when he sees a UFO. He thinks it’s a meteor.

If he saw the alien that came out of it he’d think she was from a low rent revue. Brad is driving along and then he sees her. She’s glowing. It’s not because she had a good time on the ship. It’s radium. Brad runs the car off the road. Now they all have to walk and they don’t believe Brad.

The big plan is to steal Dick’s Jeep. Dick warns them that they’ll never make it at night since the Jeeps’ lights don’t work. Esther downs a bottle. Harry the Fire Warden calls Dick and asks if he’s seen any fires because of that strange glow in the sky.

Brad goes outside. It’s her! (Shirley Kilpatrick). He empties his revolver. Bullets bounce off. She touches Brad. He’s toast. Nat hears the shooting and investigates. He finds Brad’s body. There she is again. Now here comes Egan barking away. That’s all for him. Nat doesn’t have much luck with his revolver either.

Inside the cabin Esther wants another bottle. Dick gets her one. Harry rings the phone. Esther won’t let Dick answer it. Nat drags Brad’s body back to the cabin. He shoots the bottle. Not bad for someone who empties his gun as the creature.

Hank calls back. Dick tells him there aren’t any fires. Harry tells him about the kidnappers. He hangs up and then turns on the radio. A news reader even worse than the narrator says Margaret’s father refuses to pay the ransom for fear that his daughter will be killed once they get the money.

Nat says they have to get out of there. They pile into the Jeep. It won’t start and here comes that creature again. There’s a lot of running in and out of the cabin. The creature chalks up a couple more earthlings before Dick figures out she’s wearing a metal suit. Then he gets an idea.

Someone must have bet you could make a movie for $5.95. This comes in below that. It’s so bad that it isn’t even worth laughing at. There isn’t one redeemable nano second in it. The best “actor” is Egan the dog.

People of my planet would never make a movie this bad. I must destroy you all.

People of my planet would never make a movie this bad. I must destroy you all.



About vintage45

I'm a big fan of vintage books,movies,TV shows and music. I encourage everyone to patronize your local used book/record store and pick up some of the good stuff. My posts are capsule reviews of some favorites that you may want to investigate. The albums posted aren't really reviews but items from my collection that are still available. I try and point out highlights of each one and let the music speak for itself. Thanks to all for checking out the blog.
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2 Responses to The Astounding She-Monster (1957)

  1. JO_Wass says:

    Haha, thanks for a great post! I’m a sucker for old sci-fi, but I haven’t seen this one yet. Although I thought Robert Clarke was quite good in the 1951 film The Man from Planet X.

  2. vintage45 says:

    You’re in for a good time with this and it will bring out your inner comedian.

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