You could call this “The Keystone Kommie Kops Meet The Exorcist.” It takes place in modern day Transylvania and concerns a witch’s curse. Starts nowhere and goes nowhere. Even die hard Barbara Steele fans should give it a pass.
Count Von Helsing reads his ancestor’s journal about an incident in 1765. A local witch is given a grisly execution and tossed into the lake. Before drowning she promises to be back and puts a curse on everybody, whether they carry a torch or not.
Present day: Philip (Ian Ogilvy) and his wife Veronica (Barbara Steele) are on their honeymoon. What better place than Transylvania? They stop at a hotel run by the degenerate Groper. He gives them garlic cloves with their tea. Von Helsing tells them it’s a local superstition. Veronica asks if he knows the Draculas. He says they’ve been gone a long time but the area did have a satanic religion for a while.
That night Philip and Veronica start doing what honeymooners do until Groper is caught spying on them. Philip shows him in no uncertain terms he doesn’t appreciate an audience. When Groper comes to he steals the distributor cap out of their VW.
Philip gets it back and they drive off. As they near the lake the steering doesn’t work and the brakes are history. A truck is coming. They end up in the lake. The truck driver takes them back to the hotel. Looks like Veronica is a goner. The truck driver wants to get the cops but Groper tells him not to.
Philip comes to and wants to know where Veronica is. Von Helsing shows up. Later he brings the witch back to life. Just so happens Veronica’s spirit is inside her. Von Helsing takes Philip back to his cave and starts reading from the journal. Philip doesn’t want to hear it and runs back to the hotel.
A young girl goes into the hotel and tells Groper she’s scared after hearing strange things. Groper’s lust-o-meter is in overdrive and he attacks her. She manages to get away. Outside Groper sees Philip and crowns him with a bottle and puts the body in the road hoping he’ll get run over. A truck just misses him and Von Helsing gets his body out of harms way.
As things move along the two go into town and capture the witch. Good thing Von Helsing always carries a hypo with him. They take the body back to the hotel and put it in the freezer. He tells Philip he’ll have to do an exorcism but he left his stuff back at the cave.
When they drive off the cops shows up with the truck driver. They find Groper’s body and then the witch’s cold form. Pretty stiff after being in the freezer. They arrest the truck driver for murder and take the witch’s body away for an autopsy.
Our heroes aren’t putting up with that as the movie takes a comedic turn with the cops being buffoons and getting into a long chase after Philip and Von Helsing. Then the movie tries to get serious again but it’s too late. It doesn’t have a clue about what it wants to be and ends up useless. To answer an obvious question..no…that’s not Barbara as the she beast. It’s a guy named Joe “Flash” Riley.